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How to find a grief support group
One-on-one counseling is great, but joining a grief support group can help you progress towards healing. You might ask your doctor or clergy for resources. If not, here are a few local support groups:
Fowlerville Senior Center Call (517) 223-7102
St. John Macomb - Oakland Hospital
St. Joan of Arc Church - St. Clair Shores Providence Park Hospital - Southfield and Novi call (586) 464-4841 or (586) 335-1430
Clinton Township Senior Adult Life Center - Griefshare call (586) 226-3406
Gabby’s Ladder in Monroe Call (734) 242-8773
St. John River District Hospital
East China Township call Jerry La Pere at (586) 719-0495
St. Joseph Mercy Health System Bereavement Services Ann Arbor Call (734) 327-3224
While you are looking for grief group to attend, there are lots of resources to help with a griever’s journey. Here are
a few to check out:
• On Facebook look for National Grief Awareness Day and HealGrief.org
• Books and videos by Doug Manning (“The Journey of Grief” videos are available on YouTube)
• “The One Thing No One Ever Says About Grieving” by Katherine Schafler on ThriveGlobal.com
Compassionate Friends
(Support parents who've lost a child of 5 any age) - www.compassionatefriends.org
for local chapters and online support
Tips for making it through
the holidays
Another kind of grief
This is important for caregivers as well as those they care for. You may both feel that time is borrowed, and may be trying to deal with this future loss in your own way. This is called “Anticipatory Grief.” You might feel angry or anxious about losing your loved one and they may feel the same about the end of life. Either may feel like pushing away thinking it will be easier on the other person. What’s important is to recognize what’s going on and use the time you have to talk things out and make the most of this precious time together.
• Take one holiday at a time and plan for it—where you will go, what you will do but don’t overdo it
• Honor your loved one in your own way—light a candle, reminisce with friends, keep or create a new tradition
• Accept invitations to celebrate—but have an exit strategy if you need to leave (emotions can come up quickly and it’s ok to go)
• Make a memory box—write down special memories, a gift they gave you or skill they taught you, etc. Share this with others or do it on your own
• Care for yourself first—be sure to get enough rest, proper nutrition, and exercise. Be gentle with yourself
rieving
to others is just as helpful as telling your own story.” Hall said group exercises are focused on the grievers, allowing a safe place for expression of thoughts and feelings, while respecting other people’s points of view.
Kathy noted, “I liked the fact that I could talk one- on-one with the counselor to discuss things I may not want to reveal in a group setting. But I also liked being part of a grief support group because you’re with a bunch of people who know exactly what you’re going through and you become friends. You feel validated when you express yourself. They’ve all been through what you’re going through so it’s okay to cry and get those emotions out in this safe space. It’s somehow very comforting to be in a room with people who are just as devastated as you are.”
You’ll know when
Another member of Kathy’s group is George, age 84. He lost his wife, Lee, in May 2013. “I didn’t have a whole lot of experience dealing with grief and death,” said the Macomb County resident. “But three months after Lee died, I underwent quadruple bypass heart surgery and that took about six months of my life, so I didn’t have too much time to grieve. But I knew Lee wasn’t here and I missed her,” he said.
After going through some bad days, George saw a notice in a hospital newsletter about a newly forming grief support group. “I decided to attend and ended up asking a lot of questions which they answered nicely. I participated for an hour and a half and I felt pretty good afterwards, so I kept going back and
...You’re with a bunch of people who know exactly what you’re going through...”
attended sessions every other week.” In those meetings, George discovered he had a lot of anger that he was able to work through. “I’ve been going there for four years now and I feel a lot better. I keep going back because I still learn things. I listen to other people express what they’re going through, remembering what I went through at certain times,” he said. “I’ve also made some good friends.” He credits his group’s facilitators with helping him learn how to understand his grief rather than endure it.
Somebody recently asked George how he would know when he wouldn’t need his grief group anymore? “When your memories are good rather than dominat- ed by sadness, then I think you’re just about there. You’re not remembering the bad and sad things, and when a memory comes, it’s a good memory. You feel different. You don’t feel sad every time you think about that person,” said George. He’s learned and contributed a lot at his grief group. He noted, “It used to be where I needed to fill my days. Now I don’t have enough time to do the things I want to do.”
Special thanks to Elaine Rosen, LMSW, ACSW, a grief and loss counselor for 30 years. She and Becky A. Hall both contributed to this story.